This past Wednesday I was held back in level one swim class.

This past Wednesday after five weeks of lessons I took my first swim assessment in my second attempt at learning to swim as an adult. There were only two people in my class including myself. So it was a bit of punch in the gut when my teacher announced that my classmate was moving on to level 2 and she would talk with me about what’s next. She assured me that I have made great progress since the beginning of class but since I was still struggling with floating I would be best served by another session in level 1.

I’d be lying to say I was devastated. When I was a kid I was completely terrified of the water. I tried again a few years ago and I was more comfortable with the water but the process that time didn’t suit me and there were too many folks in my class. This time a small class started with three finished with two. This time I felt very good and confident about my attempts at swimming. This time I felt very good and confident about my attempts at swimming. Even my teacher was impressed with my work. However, it wasn’t enough.

The thing that I’m currently not getting is floating. When I’m in the water passively I just sink to the bottom. When I’m adding some motion either with my legs or arms I get a little buoyant but I rarely would get above the water. What’s really bugging me is that part of the I’m not getting is relaxing into floating. I could understand if it was a straight problem I could fix like, ‘stop arching my back.’ That is something I get and work on. Right now it seems like I’m being asked to change my existence as a naturally anxious and nervous person. How do I relax in a way that seems like an affront to my natural self?

Right now I will continue on, try to figure out how to solve my current problems with, the very essential and primary skill of swimming. Let’s see what happens in five more weeks.